life keeps a-rollin'

I believe I've 'bout cured anyone of reading this, and that's good. Typing is faster than writing my fingers can almost keep up with my brain.
Today I received news of my 1st born. Looks like he is staying for quite a while longer far-far away and across the sea.
I've said numerous times that I did not birth them, my sons, to be cannon fodder, and I meant it! But, I've grown so "accustomed to (their) faces" that to be without is like walking around with a gigantic hole in my heart that simply sits there empty.
I want to be excited, thrilled for him, for his opportunities, for his creative, impassioned intellect, but I simply miss him so very much.
Crazy. I only want each to be completely happy.
Life serves up these odd moments of quiet. Just before Chris got this job offer Raul was traveling extensively, and John was well wrapped up in summer school and then off to NYC and moving in with his dad, and lo' and behold, Chris and I spent some really nice time walking and talking and hanging out.
Now we will likely never have time together like that again.
He will stay for another few years, at least, in Japan, there he will again fall in love, for he, like his mother can not help but do so.
He will have a family and if we're lucky, he'll bring them back to be nearer to us.
But even that is not a likely possibility, only a hope.
I miss him, I miss his brother, daily, it is a growing ache.
It is life.
You want them to go out and venture forth on their own and be who it is they wish to be.
That is what being a parent is about.
All I can say is "phone home" and "ouch".