no place on this earth to place my sorrow...

I share it some with my love, but he can't carry it all. Nor can I. Certainly not my sons. There is no place I can situate my sad, the nightmares, the abandonment, my grief. Feena the Fiend I've been titled, and they would rather believe their story about me than in the kindnesses, the consideration, the loyalty, the care, the love. And, instead they invite me to familial gatherings to appear "loving" as though their desertion, their betrayal, the deceit is non-existent and did not occur. They do not want me about, I am a hindrance to throw away, worthless and apparently incompetent. And, I am supposed to come when they beckon. My sister believes in them, so do my brothers. But actions always speak louder than words, and theirs have not gone unnoticed by those whose existence does not depend on theirs. Their disinterest in me, my well-being, my life is sometimes insufferable, but their disinterest in my sons is enough to drive a mother insane. I do not understand it. I can not fathom it, nor them. I have been loved by more than a handful. I am loved now by more than a handful, just not by my parents. And, so it goes.