Two writ down, it's 10 a.m.
and I'm not writing with my pen,
I am typing these words down,
with a tippy tapping sound.
This one here's now just for me,
written here for you to see,
I write because there's naught to say,
on this and any other day.
Life's a gimble, gamble, wabe,
I might rant, and sometimes rave,
but what's at stake is me and so,
I sit quiet, waiting fo'...
the next new movement to begin,
an'thin' else I hear'd be sin..
TM (c) 2009, Nov. 17
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
like Dug the Dog...
I like people, immediately. I meet them, or even just see them at the store, in a coffee shop, walking down the street, very few actually oog me out, very few scare me. I do find that there are those with whom I would not pursue a friendship, but mostly I am intrigued and almost immediately entranced to some degree.
I fall in love with their little idiosyncracies... what makes them themselves, unique, different from others, be it several moles on a waitresses very pretty face, on the side of her nose, on her cheek and above her lip and on her forehead, or a lisp or stutter, or the crinkles around that man's eyes showing decades of smiling... Too, I can be completely taken with their thought processes, their world views, their approach to life - I can't help it, I just do.
I am always and immediately surprised when I am met with another's dislike... I am always completely shocked and taken aback when I encounter another's meaney demonstrations.
I am always out to "make a friend" and when that is thrown back in my face, I am always surprised. And, then, of course, I am hurt sometimes traumatically, sometimes just for that moment. I do not believe this is sociopathic behavior on my part... but it continues to be unnerving, the need to negate friendship that I experience from others.
Yet, I have few "real" friends, people whom I fully trust to "know", people whom I can turn to in a time of need, or sorrow.
They exist, but I find that now at this point in my life, I'd rather simply occur as light and bright to them. As aspects of joy and fun, so the circle of "support" becomes ever smaller.
What is enlightenment? Knowing that nothing actually matters, save our own experience and opinion of this? And, that the experience and opinions of others can only ultimately matter, effect, affect and make a difference to them?
This life is like a dream and as such I have no idea where to turn next, nor what I shall next do.
How will I continue to feed myself, keep a roof over my head, change the world, care for my loved ones, or even interact with them? I am so very ....
I fall in love with their little idiosyncracies... what makes them themselves, unique, different from others, be it several moles on a waitresses very pretty face, on the side of her nose, on her cheek and above her lip and on her forehead, or a lisp or stutter, or the crinkles around that man's eyes showing decades of smiling... Too, I can be completely taken with their thought processes, their world views, their approach to life - I can't help it, I just do.
I am always and immediately surprised when I am met with another's dislike... I am always completely shocked and taken aback when I encounter another's meaney demonstrations.
I am always out to "make a friend" and when that is thrown back in my face, I am always surprised. And, then, of course, I am hurt sometimes traumatically, sometimes just for that moment. I do not believe this is sociopathic behavior on my part... but it continues to be unnerving, the need to negate friendship that I experience from others.
Yet, I have few "real" friends, people whom I fully trust to "know", people whom I can turn to in a time of need, or sorrow.
They exist, but I find that now at this point in my life, I'd rather simply occur as light and bright to them. As aspects of joy and fun, so the circle of "support" becomes ever smaller.
What is enlightenment? Knowing that nothing actually matters, save our own experience and opinion of this? And, that the experience and opinions of others can only ultimately matter, effect, affect and make a difference to them?
This life is like a dream and as such I have no idea where to turn next, nor what I shall next do.
How will I continue to feed myself, keep a roof over my head, change the world, care for my loved ones, or even interact with them? I am so very ....
Friday, October 16, 2009
Rodin's
Ugolino - know him? did he have remorse? was he a good parent?
Would he and Medea have made beautiful babies together? juicy, tender, and tasty, too!
I'm thinking... Not so much, but what do you think?
This blog, not meant really for anyone's eyes, may die that quiet death of blog sites having gone unread for weeks and then months...
and, yet... I write, it is my voice the place where in I really reside. Good luck with that Ugo, you've chosen so very poorly, again, and finally.
In the meantime, those are my thoughts and queries for the day.
Would he and Medea have made beautiful babies together? juicy, tender, and tasty, too!
I'm thinking... Not so much, but what do you think?
This blog, not meant really for anyone's eyes, may die that quiet death of blog sites having gone unread for weeks and then months...
and, yet... I write, it is my voice the place where in I really reside. Good luck with that Ugo, you've chosen so very poorly, again, and finally.
In the meantime, those are my thoughts and queries for the day.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
there I go again...
My heart resides outside my body, split amongst many.
Large and small chunks walk around doing things daily I will miss...
this is life,
I reside elsewhere,
following dreams I did not know I had,
thinking thoughts that may never be shared,
and living life...
outside of myself.
Large and small chunks walk around doing things daily I will miss...
this is life,
I reside elsewhere,
following dreams I did not know I had,
thinking thoughts that may never be shared,
and living life...
outside of myself.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Dreams disturbing
I can't fathom it... I've never had the extremely "real" dreams I am now experiencing. Rather like the conversation had in the play The Rabbit Hole, and a bit like the time traveling done in Slaughterhouse Five - I've had in the last week and a day, two very real dreams, one that woke me last Saturday a.m. or rather one i woke to, and another this evening after an early evening's nap.
Last week I was awakened to my love entering my room, and quietly taking off his clothes to climb into bed with me, and i thought to myself, "OMG he's home! he's home!" (he's been in Tokyo for 2 weeks and extended to a 3rd week, after having just spent 5 there less than a mo. ago) and then I tho't "how'd I miss the message to pick him up from the airport?" and then because I was so happy that he'd come home early and because I couldn't wait to lay eyes on him, I opened mine. And, he wasn't there. And, i burst into tears, because it had all been a dream, a dream so real that I then tho't something must've happened to him and I must've had a visitation, so I quickly got on the e-mail and begged him to make immediate contact, which he sweetly did, assuring me he was alright, and it took me a few more hours to quiet my nerves and my heart over the experience.
This evening was just as real, I had fallen asleep sprawled on my youngest son's bed while watching the tale end of a movie, the "menu" was now repeating itself over and over, and I heard both my love and my eldest son enter the apartment, walk over to check on me, go in and out of the front door carrying in their things, and commenting on my napping self. This time I had a bit of a headache, and I was waiting for my love to bend over and kiss me or something, but then they both kinda left the room to go about their business, son in his room, love putting brief case away, and I woke up and went to find them, and they were of course not here, neither had come home, one still in Japan the other leaving in less than 3 days.
The mind plays tricks of time and space, and perhaps there is a parallel universe where a more contented me gets to make pancakes for those guys she loves so dearly for many more mornings to come. Where she gets to set the table for dinner, and vacation with them and doesn't have to say g'bye for interminable periods of agonizing time.
Now there's a thought.
Last week I was awakened to my love entering my room, and quietly taking off his clothes to climb into bed with me, and i thought to myself, "OMG he's home! he's home!" (he's been in Tokyo for 2 weeks and extended to a 3rd week, after having just spent 5 there less than a mo. ago) and then I tho't "how'd I miss the message to pick him up from the airport?" and then because I was so happy that he'd come home early and because I couldn't wait to lay eyes on him, I opened mine. And, he wasn't there. And, i burst into tears, because it had all been a dream, a dream so real that I then tho't something must've happened to him and I must've had a visitation, so I quickly got on the e-mail and begged him to make immediate contact, which he sweetly did, assuring me he was alright, and it took me a few more hours to quiet my nerves and my heart over the experience.
This evening was just as real, I had fallen asleep sprawled on my youngest son's bed while watching the tale end of a movie, the "menu" was now repeating itself over and over, and I heard both my love and my eldest son enter the apartment, walk over to check on me, go in and out of the front door carrying in their things, and commenting on my napping self. This time I had a bit of a headache, and I was waiting for my love to bend over and kiss me or something, but then they both kinda left the room to go about their business, son in his room, love putting brief case away, and I woke up and went to find them, and they were of course not here, neither had come home, one still in Japan the other leaving in less than 3 days.
The mind plays tricks of time and space, and perhaps there is a parallel universe where a more contented me gets to make pancakes for those guys she loves so dearly for many more mornings to come. Where she gets to set the table for dinner, and vacation with them and doesn't have to say g'bye for interminable periods of agonizing time.
Now there's a thought.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
"Alone" quotes.
Buddha
All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.
Henry David Thoreau
I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
Ann Landers
It is far better to be alone than to wish you were.
Marilyn Monroe
I restore myself when I'm alone.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.
Jean de la Bruyere
All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone.
Helen Keller
Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
Wayne Dyer
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
Mother Teresa
Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
Maya Angelou
We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders.
Marilyn Monroe
It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone -- so far.
Laurence Sterne
In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.
Blaise Pascal
All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.
James Dean
Being an actor is the loneliest thing in the world. You are all alone with your concentration and imagination, and that's all you have.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.
George Washington
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Marilyn Monroe
It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.
Dr. Seuss
All alone!Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot.
Chanakya
A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode.
Dalai Lama
Spend some time alone every day.
All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.
Henry David Thoreau
I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
Ann Landers
It is far better to be alone than to wish you were.
Marilyn Monroe
I restore myself when I'm alone.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.
Jean de la Bruyere
All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone.
Helen Keller
Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
Wayne Dyer
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
Mother Teresa
Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
Maya Angelou
We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders.
Marilyn Monroe
It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone -- so far.
Laurence Sterne
In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.
Blaise Pascal
All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.
James Dean
Being an actor is the loneliest thing in the world. You are all alone with your concentration and imagination, and that's all you have.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.
George Washington
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Marilyn Monroe
It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.
Dr. Seuss
All alone!Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot.
Chanakya
A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode.
Dalai Lama
Spend some time alone every day.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Throw-away Child
The throw-away child,
One who shouldn’t have been…
The one who’s all wrong,
… so let’s do it again.
The one who loves Jesus,
she has to you see,
no one else watches over,
never you, and not me.
She’s too much damn trouble
Our life’s bubble, it’s small -
we haven’t the room,
that damn order’s too tall.
She isn’t our worry,
she isn’t our care.
God’s watching over,
so hush now, don’t stare…
Doesn’t matter she’s dying,
out there all alone,
while we’re’ snuggled up toasty,
in our comfy home.
We can’t lift a finger,
it’s too late for her,
should be ‘miracle time”
if ever there were…
We’ve worked hard for our comforts,
… what has she done for me?
We’ll settle in nicely,
with our evening’s TV.
Let’s turn our sweet cheek,
Shutting tight open eyes,
don’t listen to stories,
they’re only her lies.
She prob’ly deserves it.
She’s a spend thrift for sure,
so what if it’s cancer?
I pray for a cure.
I don’t want to listen,
I’ve got probs of my own.
Oh, sit still and be quiet,
while my heart turns to stone.
© 2009 TMarguerite
One who shouldn’t have been…
The one who’s all wrong,
… so let’s do it again.
The one who loves Jesus,
she has to you see,
no one else watches over,
never you, and not me.
She’s too much damn trouble
Our life’s bubble, it’s small -
we haven’t the room,
that damn order’s too tall.
She isn’t our worry,
she isn’t our care.
God’s watching over,
so hush now, don’t stare…
Doesn’t matter she’s dying,
out there all alone,
while we’re’ snuggled up toasty,
in our comfy home.
We can’t lift a finger,
it’s too late for her,
should be ‘miracle time”
if ever there were…
We’ve worked hard for our comforts,
… what has she done for me?
We’ll settle in nicely,
with our evening’s TV.
Let’s turn our sweet cheek,
Shutting tight open eyes,
don’t listen to stories,
they’re only her lies.
She prob’ly deserves it.
She’s a spend thrift for sure,
so what if it’s cancer?
I pray for a cure.
I don’t want to listen,
I’ve got probs of my own.
Oh, sit still and be quiet,
while my heart turns to stone.
© 2009 TMarguerite
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